Love as Antidote

a loving-kindness meditation for the darkest night

On the longest night of the year, a gentle practice for meeting ourselves—and one another—with more care. This post includes a guided loving-kindness meditation you can return to anytime.

Today’s advent theme is Love, and this year it falls on Winter Solstice – the darkest day of the year.

Is it irony, or antidote?

The holidays, for many, are a lonely time, and the idea of love may bring a sense of longing. If you find yourself in that space, may the visible metaphor of Solstice bring you hope: beginning today, there shall be ever-increasing light.

We need love. For ourselves, for others, for this world, so mired in violence and rage and hate. Love, to both give and receive. Love as feeling and as action. Love is light, the antidote to darkness that separates and harms.

Love is our essence and source; we are mentally healthiest when we feel love and live in alignment with it. We need love. Those raised without enough of it become guarded and afraid of love or overly desperate for it, anxious of its loss or disbelieving they are worthy of it, and suffer from anxiety, depression, and loneliness. When our ruminations, words, and actions are contrary to love, we are disconnected from our essential nature, and both our own mental health and that of those we interact with suffers.

Would you try something with me?

I want to share with you a loving-kindness meditation.

Loving-kindness meditation gently increases self-compassion, a softening toward self that can quiet your harsh inner critic. It increases awareness of our universal connections with one another, creating space for increased harmony, lessening the pain of loneliness and separation. Practicing this meditation can be a radical act of self-care that transforms your relationship with yourself and others.

This form of meditation focuses on a hopeful intention (or prayer) of wellness and happiness for self, then loved ones, then acquaintances, then even those who have caused you pain. The last one may seem too hard, and if you can’t get there today, it’s okay. But often, as we begin with self-nurturance, the love within us expands. It flows to those closest to us. If finds curious and open expansion in the mysterious worlds of those we only peripherally encounter. And sometimes, that love even makes space for those who are difficult to love.

A note on that last part before we begin. If you have experienced trauma from someone, I am not guiding you to hold your abuser close in your heart. You need to create and maintain the space that feels right to feel safe and grounded as you heal. That is your only imperative. Rather, think of someone whose personality just rubs you the wrong way, or someone with whom misunderstanding caused hurt or distance.

I usually record a voice-over of my posts, so if you are reading this, you might consider returning with the audio when you are in a space to settle in and close your eyes or simply focus on a single point for a bit of quiet time. If you’ve never practiced meditation before, give it a try with open curiosity, and see what shifts inside of you.

First, come to a comfortable position, seated or lying down. Perhaps rest your hands on your knees, or place them over your heart.

Take a few deep, slow breaths, in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Notice the contact between your body and the surface you are resting on. Notice the sounds around you. Feel the rise and fall of your chest, the gentle sensation of breath in your nostrils. If or when your attention drifts, gently bring it back to any of these senses, just noticing. There is no right or wrong, pass or fail.

Now, gently invite the idea of kindness.
This is not something you need to feel.
It can simply be an intention, making space for something to arrive.

I invite you to begin offering kindness toward yourself.
You can repeat these words silently, change them, or simply let them pass through your awareness:

May I be safe in this moment.
May I treat myself with patience and love.
May I access support when I need it.
May I experience moments of ease.

If these words feel distant or uncomfortable, that’s okay. Just notice those feelings.
You’re not doing this wrong. With practice, all things shift.

I invite you now to bring to mind someone you care about.
This could be a person or even a pet.
Choose whomever feels right to you.

Offering the same intention:

May you be safe.
May you feel loved.
And may you be met with care.
May you have what you need, moment by moment.

If it feels right, you can widen this intention slightly; perhaps to people you encounter in daily life, in the neighborhood, in the store or café, or in the community.

Just like me, others wish to feel safe – may they be so.
Just like me, others are doing the best they can with what they have.
May there be more kindness in the spaces we share.
May my neighbors be wrapped in love.

You are welcome to skip the next part if you’re not ready, or replace it with something else.
Think of someone difficult in your life, while remaining grounded in your own present safety. If you choose to include someone who challenging, maintain dual focus on your own security and boundaries.

From a distance that feels manageable:

May harm lessen.
May clarity grow.
May I remain protected.
May they soften into peace.

Now, let go of the words.
There is nothing else you need to do.

Take a moment to reconnect with your surroundings.
Notice where you are.
Feel the support of the earth, floor, or seat beneath you.
You might gently move your hands or feet, remembering your connection between body and spirit.

When you’re ready, you can return to the rest of your day, bringing with you whatever sense of calm, light, or love you may have found.

Dear readers, as we close out this year, I want to pause and express my profound gratitude to you for being here with me. Your support, through reading, commenting, encouraging notes, likes and shares, virtual coffees, and simply your continual subscriptions mean so much to me, and I’m so grateful to have this relationship with you. I hope my words continue to encourage, inspire, and support you in your own unique journeys. I’m taking next week off for the holidays, and will be back in the New Year!

from my heart to yours,

Deborah

Bonus Bits & Pieces

- This week I was honored with an invitation to be on NPR’s AirTalk show with Austin Cross. We discussed resiliency in the wake of violent news and the impacts of surviving and even hearing about mass shootings in our nation. https://laist.com/news/when-youve-experienced-life-altering-violence-how-do-you-carry-on

- I was also featured in US News and World Report in an article about social media use amongst seniors and how it can be used to combat loneliness: https://health.usnews.com/senior-care/articles/what-older-adults-need-to-know-about-connecting-and-staying-safe-online

I’m craving peppermint mochas this holiday season - how about you?