15 Comments
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Mimi's avatar

I feel this on such a deep level. Several of my friends are experiencing extended estrangement from their children. Me too.

It burns the heart like a scalding poker. Though I have made new friends and consider this one young woman as a daughter, I still miss my own flesh and blood. It hurts so bad.

Dr Deborah Vinall's avatar

Few things hurt more. It's a wound that never heals. 💔 Sending you love.

Andrea Stoeckel's avatar

Yesterday was the first "anniversary" of my divorce. Sometimes I still wish she was here but so much has been given back to me since the split 2 years ago. And as a LGB+TQIA2S ordained UCC minister albeit retired I get exactly what you are saying

Dr Deborah Vinall's avatar

Even if or when the split was necessary, the ache of absence lingers. 💔 May you find ever-increasing healing in the year ahead.

Andrea Stoeckel's avatar

Thank you

My View from Inside by Odile's avatar

This made me tear up. Because that absence is there, felt at the most deepest level. And yet, there is also joy. Joy for the journey of the graduate and the effort that went into the making of this moment. Thank you for sharing.

Dr Deborah Vinall's avatar

It's incredible, our capacity to hold both. Thanks for reading!

Karthik Gurumurthy's avatar

I'm so proud of your kid for graduating, Dr. V. I'm sure it's a moment you both will remember for the rest of your lives.

Back where I am, we didn't get graduation ceremonies. Your results get quietly released on a continuously crashing website and that was it. I'm glad you guys get a celebratory event to remember and appreciate your efforts.

I think I grieved not being able to be myself in high school, since 12th grade was all about academic grades obsession. I couldn't risk coming out as gay. I wish I had had someone to confide in.

Dr Deborah Vinall's avatar

Oh... I'm so sorry! You're welcome to dm ne the link, I'd love to read it when I get a chance. (Full disclosure, I'm drowning this week, but soon!)

Dr Deborah Vinall's avatar

The high school academic pressure can be immense! It's so unfortunate how it can take over the other important, social / emotional aspects of life.

When did you find the space and freedom to come out?

Karthik Gurumurthy's avatar

Thanks, Dr. V.

The space and freedom to come out was taken from me. I was outed. What followed was a snowball of trauma that took a huge toll on me.

(I actually wrote about it in one of my previous letters: "It Took Me 3 Years..." When you find time, I'd really appreciate it if you gave it a read.)

How We Get Through This's avatar

The timing of this ... Wow

Lydia Sohn's avatar

perfectly timed for so many people right now and even though I'm far from becoming an empty nester, this post made me cry.

Dr Deborah Vinall's avatar

🩵 Thanks for being here, friend.