Women, Be Careful

How victim-blaming, military sexual trauma, and the myth of uncontrollable men endanger women

“The guys that don’t need [testosterone injections] are gonna take it, to triple boost... And then they’re gonna get out there, and women on base, you guys better be careful. Port calls, women in Asia, you better be careful, because these guys are gonna be wild animals and you better watch out.” [1] – Jesse Watters, Fox “News” host

What a thing to chortle over.

What darkness to encourage.

And… what a familiar sentiment. That men cannot, or need not, control themselves. That sexual dominance is power and manly and strong. And that the responsibility to prevent the consequences of male aggression lies with women.

We’ve all heard this before. Cover your shoulders. Lengthen your hemline. Walk fast. Carry pepper-spray. Beware your surroundings. Cover your drink. Go in pairs. Have a safety plan. Tell someone where you’re going on that date.

It echoes back in questions. What was she wearing? Did she scream? What’s her sexual history? Did she lead him on? Was she drinking? Did she lock her door?

Or the labels on our self-expression. That tattoo placement is a tramp stamp. Those cute boots are CFM (come fuck me) boots.

It’s bad enough when the warnings come from our mothers or women policing one another. But when it comes from the men themselves, it’s something else, entirely. Not a warning; a threat.

“Be careful.” Women, protect yourself. Because no one’s gonna tell them to behave.

But what does “be careful” mean when the men you are supposed to be careful of sleep in your barracks? Or outrank you? Or when your career depends upon him and the people around him? When avoiding them – if even possible - would compromise the cohesion your very survival depends on?

The message is no longer “be careful.” It’s “there’s no (safe) place for you here.”

Photo by Danny Burke on Unsplash

It takes a strong person to serve in the armed forces.

The risk of trauma is significant, and this is not hidden. It was, after all, in observation of military veterans that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was first identified.

But female veterans have even higher rates of PTSD than their male compatriots, and it is not because they are too “soft” or lack sufficient testosterone.

It is, in part, because one in three female veterans experienced military sexual trauma (MST) while serving, according to data collected by the Department of Veteran Affairs.^[i] This includes forced, coerced, and non-consensual sexual contact, such as while sleeping or intoxicated.

Up to one third of female military veterans are exposed to trauma outside even of seeing combat. For many women who serve, the threat comes not only from an enemy force, but from within their own ranks.

Watters said women “better be careful.” As though it is the responsibility of the sleeping woman to prevent rape. As though the men assaulting bare no responsibility whatsoever for their own predatory behavior. As though sexual assault is a foregone conclusion, with acknowledged harm to the victim, that must be accepted. Celebrated, even, as an acceptable outcome of the glory of manhood.

This is larger than the military. This is the manifestation of a culture hostile toward women, hostile toward any they deem “weaker,” hostile to any who challenges the unearned insistence on the rank of white men on top. It is the manifestation of a culture hostile especially toward women inhabiting spaces historically reserved for men and challenging old beliefs about who is strong, who leads, who belongs - and who is entitled to whom.

And yes, Watters has been criticized for his gleeful commentary. But the words were spoken in a culture that gave him the arrogant confidence that such sentiments were widely shared. That they would land home with his target audience.

That’s the only part where I don’t think he’s wrong.

The same culture that calls rape victims liars apparently sees enough truth in it to make jokes.

Watters also laughingly exposed the predation of American military men on Asian women and girls – a dark truth that has persisted since the American military entered the Pacific theatre. Persisting in the dangerous belief that it is an innate right to dominate, to conquer, to control, and to take whatever it is one desires.

Women and girls on Asian shores have been targets of sexual exploitation for generations, often in cooperation with their own governments setting up brothels for the military for local financial gain.^[ii] Child sex trafficking is particularly pernicious in impoverished countries where military bases provide a steady stream of men with too much expendable cash and not enough moral or inner restraint.^[iii] Asian women have been sexualized, dehumanized, and yes, as Watters so callously alluded to, endangered when such men came near.

But how is one to “be careful” when the men who arrive as protectors, allies, or guests arrive at your border seeking conquest? When complex international relations and the temporality of their stay make accountability scarce, if not vanishingly impossible? When men with the dignity of uniforms instead descend on your people like “wild animals”?

Are these dark realities jokes?

And then, back on base: women in uniform, reeling from assault, forced to bunk next to their predator. To eat on a bench across from him, avoiding his leering smile. To run drills or operations together, working as a harmonious unit, a team, rather than “wild animal” and prey.

Or perhaps he is her commanding officer. To whom does she report, to find safety, without retribution? Where does she turn for counsel or care or support?

She’s been trained in a culture emphasizing strength and endurance. Does she endure, or call out harm and appear weak? Allow abuse to persist, or bear the shame and career penalties of speaking out?

She’s been trained to fight foreign enemies. But what happens when the enemy shares your tent?

Military culture is built on hierarchy, rank, power, coordination, teamwork, and trust. Within a system of highly structured power differentials, it is all-too-easy for one to discard military ethical code and misuse positions of rank and authority to demand, coerce, or force sexual contact. The very dynamics essential for an effective military quickly become liabilities when those within are encouraged from the cackling sidelines to become internal threats. And these same factors work together to foster a climate of silence that makes sexual assault all too easy to perpetrate, hide, and persist.

In the end, the institution the female servicemember devoted herself to becomes the institution of her betrayal.

Those fears are not merely hypothetical. In the Department of Defense’s 2023 data, an estimated 26% of women who reported unwanted sexual contact experienced behavior meeting legal criteria for retaliation.^[iv] And this is a decrease over previous years.

The silence that follows sexual assault is not exclusive to military service members. But the barriers to breaking that silence are higher, more structured, more deeply cemented. And trauma forced into silence festers, deepens, metastasizes.

The Department of Veteran’s Affairs acknowledges that sexual assault during military service is equivalent or worse in impact to the trauma of significant military combat. It is also a more common cause of PTSD. Military sexual trauma increases service members’ likelihood of suicide, physical illness, social struggles, and post-discharge homelessness.^[v] Survivors struggle with shame, self-blame, and lowered self-confidence, particularly in contrast to the “warrior” ethos – which is so intentionally promulgated today.

I’ve never served in the military, but I’ve lived within its culture.

I’ve never experienced MST, but I’ve lived the fallout of sexual assault. And then built a career helping others heal from the shattering effects of sexual violence, coercion, and abuse. I know, in every fiber of my being, that “be careful” is not enough.

This is no laughing matter. That’s why – even though perhaps few of you, my readers, may be military service members, we need to stop. Call this out. Draw a dark, clean line that says absolutely not. We will not condone brutality and call it manhood.

We will not listen to a man laugh about women needing to protect themselves from male “wild animals” and dismiss it as a tasteless joke. Words help establish what a culture permits.

“Women, be careful” suggests male violence is inevitable.

“Men, do not rape” returns responsibility where it belongs.

And “if you do, we will hold you accountable” would establish the boundary every institution owes the people within its care. We are not there yet, though the military had been making progress under prior leadership.^[vi] But, I believe in a world where these words could be true.

Women serving their country should not have to defend themselves from the people serving beside them. Comrades should not be predators or prey.

Women anywhere should not have to organize their lives around men’s presumed inability to control themselves – though, of course, we do.

There is nothing virile about predation. Nothing masculine about coercion. Nothing strong about exploiting someone more vulnerable than you.

And absolutely nothing funny about rape.

I’m Deborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT, a trauma therapist and author exploring trauma, relationships, belonging, and the complicated work of being human.

My books—including Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide and Trauma Recovery Workbook for Teens—have helped readers around the world understand and heal from relational and other forms of trauma and find their way back to themselves.

Here on Mental Health Musings, I explore those themes more personally, blending clinical insight with reflection, and occasionally sharing guided meditations and resources for healing.

If this kind of work speaks to you, I invite you to subscribe to receive future reflections and guided resources.

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^[i] https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/type/sexual_trauma_military.asp

^[ii] https://apjjf.org/katharine-hs-moon/3019/article

^[iii] https://fpif.org/gender_and_us_bases_in_asia-pacific/

^[iv] https://www.gao.gov/assets/a279933.html?utm_source=chatgpt.com

^[v] https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/type/sexual_trauma_military.asp

^[vi] https://www.war.gov/News/News-Stories/Article/Article/3779672/dod-report-prevalence-of-sexual-assault-declined-across-services-in-2023/