Thank you for your insightful piece, Downward Social Comparison. Your exploration of how comparing ourselves to those less fortunate can foster empathy and altruism is both timely and thought-provoking. It's a reminder that our perspectives and actions can be shaped by the way we relate to others' experiences. Your reflections encourage a deeper understanding of the complexities of social comparison and its impact on our behavior.
Comparing trauma can block healing by minimizing your pain,fostering guilt,or trapping you in an " it could have been worse"mindset that dismisses your experience. This often stems from societal pressure, self invalidation, or a coping mechanism to avoid facing the full weight of your emotions. It often prevents us from processing trauma by keep us stuck in denial, shame ,or a cycle of relativizing your suffering against others. We have to break free from this mindset . Appreciate ya for shedding light on this crucial topic .
Nicely done. These reactions are like jumping into a hole to hide from the radiations of the pain. But staying in the hole locks everything in place. It takes courage and support to get out & start moving.
Thank you. I am realizing that what you’re describing is part of a bigger picture which is the victim syndrome. And it’s easy to fall into that position when you’re in a situation where you can’t control what’s going on and what’s going on makes a difference to you.
Another place where it’s easy for me to fall into a victim mentality is when I’m not feeling well and I’m having a hard time getting medical support for what I need. When I’m in that mindset, all help comes from the outside. It’s a big leap from feeling helpless to bold action, but sometimes it’s possible to leverage yourself out of the hole. Other times you need support from friends, caregivers, as well as one’s spiritual sense of connection to the totality of the universe, and a sense of deserving well-being. My intuition is that the black hole sense of emptiness that opens up is a kind of memory of early times when help was desperately needed and was not available. Enough of those moments would create a level of anxiety that could easily be triggered in the future by events that hit the same chords.
Yes, early attachment trauma - even resulting from the parenting mores of the 70s when Ferberizing was popularized - can leave leading psychic imprints of helpless, feeling alone, and even panic attacks. Astute observation in the universe of early, pre-verbal memories.
This advice is so important! I’ve heard from several counselors who treat rape victims or victims of abuse that avoidance of what actually happened is a common reaction! They feel that ignoring the reality will make everything go away! And, too many think they are to blame all together or at least partially. This might be because that feel others may think that! If victims don’t face the actuality they’ll carry the burden throughout their lives!
yes, self-blame is all-too common outcome of sexual assault. And the temptation to burying bad memories in hopes that "time heals all wounds" is a common one.
And yet most people are afraid of other people’s pain.
Few cultures still have public validated public expression of pain or its limited to funerals
It also reflects the growing inability to show empathy.
So why show your humanity if you are met with distance
This can also ally to therapists - many can’t deal with long standing pain caused by trauma. They box it up.
Thank you
I can't imagine how awful it would be to feel your therapist couldn't handle your pain. If you had that experience, I'm so sorry.
Yes, we need more empathy and open expression of emotions!
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. 💗
Thank you for your insightful piece, Downward Social Comparison. Your exploration of how comparing ourselves to those less fortunate can foster empathy and altruism is both timely and thought-provoking. It's a reminder that our perspectives and actions can be shaped by the way we relate to others' experiences. Your reflections encourage a deeper understanding of the complexities of social comparison and its impact on our behavior.
Comparing trauma can block healing by minimizing your pain,fostering guilt,or trapping you in an " it could have been worse"mindset that dismisses your experience. This often stems from societal pressure, self invalidation, or a coping mechanism to avoid facing the full weight of your emotions. It often prevents us from processing trauma by keep us stuck in denial, shame ,or a cycle of relativizing your suffering against others. We have to break free from this mindset . Appreciate ya for shedding light on this crucial topic .
Exactly. Thanks for reading! 🩵
Nicely done. These reactions are like jumping into a hole to hide from the radiations of the pain. But staying in the hole locks everything in place. It takes courage and support to get out & start moving.
Well said!
Thank you. I am realizing that what you’re describing is part of a bigger picture which is the victim syndrome. And it’s easy to fall into that position when you’re in a situation where you can’t control what’s going on and what’s going on makes a difference to you.
Another place where it’s easy for me to fall into a victim mentality is when I’m not feeling well and I’m having a hard time getting medical support for what I need. When I’m in that mindset, all help comes from the outside. It’s a big leap from feeling helpless to bold action, but sometimes it’s possible to leverage yourself out of the hole. Other times you need support from friends, caregivers, as well as one’s spiritual sense of connection to the totality of the universe, and a sense of deserving well-being. My intuition is that the black hole sense of emptiness that opens up is a kind of memory of early times when help was desperately needed and was not available. Enough of those moments would create a level of anxiety that could easily be triggered in the future by events that hit the same chords.
Yes, early attachment trauma - even resulting from the parenting mores of the 70s when Ferberizing was popularized - can leave leading psychic imprints of helpless, feeling alone, and even panic attacks. Astute observation in the universe of early, pre-verbal memories.
*lasting, not leading
This advice is so important! I’ve heard from several counselors who treat rape victims or victims of abuse that avoidance of what actually happened is a common reaction! They feel that ignoring the reality will make everything go away! And, too many think they are to blame all together or at least partially. This might be because that feel others may think that! If victims don’t face the actuality they’ll carry the burden throughout their lives!
yes, self-blame is all-too common outcome of sexual assault. And the temptation to burying bad memories in hopes that "time heals all wounds" is a common one.
You’re such a wonderful therapist! Your clients and readers are fortunate to have you!
Thank you! ☺️