@Dr Deborah Vinall - Thank you for this poignantly humane, gut-wrenching piece. You speak both as a clinician and as someone fiercely attuned to the moral and emotional fabric that binds us. You remind us that trauma isn’t just personal, it’s political, systemic and heartbreakingly ongoing. I’m especially moved by how you tie attachment theory to the soul-deep rupture of forced separations. When belonging is denied, something essential in our shared humanity begins to fray. And yet, your call to community rooted in care, action, and imagination is a balm and a battle cry. I thank you for holding space where others have been torn away.
1952, Summer. Our family went swimming in a cold lake just a few miles from our home. I was four. We played in the lake, not everyone could swim, but we all played
That night, after changing into pajamas, I could not climb the stairs. Father grumbled but carried me to bed
My next memory is Mom, in her Sunday gray suit, with a matching pillbox hat. The doctor does not have a good look. I was always watched grownups faces. He said the ambulance would take me to the hospital. Yes. It was Polio
Next memory, laying down on a gurney, strapped down, a nurse holds my left arm and draws blood. For decades, if I got stressed I would pull my left arm tight to my chest as I couldn't extend it - because it hurt.
The doctor, in a white coat, says to my folks, "Don't worry, he won't remember this."
For years, I wanted to find that man. That doctor. To let him know how wrong he was.
I raised my children based on Erickson's theory of child development, as I learned it in college in the 1980s. Age birth to age 2 is Trust vs. Mistrust. Is the world a place to be trusted or mistrusted? The theory said that if the baby doesn't get past age 2 without learning that the world can be trusted, they will never trust, or they will never pass to the next stage, I forget which.
Is the world a good place? If I am hungry, will I be fed? If I am cold, will I be warmed? If I am tired, will I be put to bed? If I am unhappy, will I be comforted? If the answer is yes often enough that the child comes to expect it, they have a good start in life.
Anne, this delights me!! Erik Erikson's developmental stages also guided my parenting (& helped anchor me against all the voices telling me to take a strong-armed behavioral approach that didn't feel right). My bachelor's was in human development and these theories were central.
You're absolutely right about the significance of fostering that foundation of trust in the first years - and the profound impact of family separation on its development.
Oh my this is terrible. What are we doing to our future generation? Then they wonder why the birth rate is dropping rapidly. There are days when I want to go live off grid somewhere remote.
It is. My heart has been so heavy lately.
@Dr Deborah Vinall - Thank you for this poignantly humane, gut-wrenching piece. You speak both as a clinician and as someone fiercely attuned to the moral and emotional fabric that binds us. You remind us that trauma isn’t just personal, it’s political, systemic and heartbreakingly ongoing. I’m especially moved by how you tie attachment theory to the soul-deep rupture of forced separations. When belonging is denied, something essential in our shared humanity begins to fray. And yet, your call to community rooted in care, action, and imagination is a balm and a battle cry. I thank you for holding space where others have been torn away.
Thank you, Bronce! We're are in times where we cannot look away.
1952, Summer. Our family went swimming in a cold lake just a few miles from our home. I was four. We played in the lake, not everyone could swim, but we all played
That night, after changing into pajamas, I could not climb the stairs. Father grumbled but carried me to bed
My next memory is Mom, in her Sunday gray suit, with a matching pillbox hat. The doctor does not have a good look. I was always watched grownups faces. He said the ambulance would take me to the hospital. Yes. It was Polio
Next memory, laying down on a gurney, strapped down, a nurse holds my left arm and draws blood. For decades, if I got stressed I would pull my left arm tight to my chest as I couldn't extend it - because it hurt.
The doctor, in a white coat, says to my folks, "Don't worry, he won't remember this."
For years, I wanted to find that man. That doctor. To let him know how wrong he was.
Thank you for sharing your story! Strong somatic memories of a traumatic experience.
This is devastating.
I raised my children based on Erickson's theory of child development, as I learned it in college in the 1980s. Age birth to age 2 is Trust vs. Mistrust. Is the world a place to be trusted or mistrusted? The theory said that if the baby doesn't get past age 2 without learning that the world can be trusted, they will never trust, or they will never pass to the next stage, I forget which.
Is the world a good place? If I am hungry, will I be fed? If I am cold, will I be warmed? If I am tired, will I be put to bed? If I am unhappy, will I be comforted? If the answer is yes often enough that the child comes to expect it, they have a good start in life.
Anne, this delights me!! Erik Erikson's developmental stages also guided my parenting (& helped anchor me against all the voices telling me to take a strong-armed behavioral approach that didn't feel right). My bachelor's was in human development and these theories were central.
You're absolutely right about the significance of fostering that foundation of trust in the first years - and the profound impact of family separation on its development.
Oh my this is terrible. What are we doing to our future generation? Then they wonder why the birth rate is dropping rapidly. There are days when I want to go live off grid somewhere remote.
Oh, I feel that, too! 💔 And yet we must keep showing up for those hurting most.
Yes definitely. We have to stand up for those who can’t.